Recently, I found myself in one of the darkest seasons. The present seems uncertain, unending, and my soul is comparable to a drought in the Sahara Desert. I have shed my fair share of tears, I have shook my fist at God and have begged for him to relieve me of this pain. I have spent several nights over the last few months in the arms of my husband sobbing as he has covered me in prayer and pleaded for healing on my behalf. I’ve spent countless nights tossing and turning asking why God chose me to endure this thorn. While in the middle of an unforeseen diagnosis, I was recently in a car accident which has only complicated the mix of things. Within seconds our brand new car totaled, my pre- existing health conditions now compromised and exacerbated, a semester of college wasted away thus postponing graduation even further and now to bear the weight of financial obligations. Out of work, out of hope and desperate for answers I’ve laid on the couch for three weeks wrestling with the “why” behind this mess. Bed rest can make you crazy!
How am I supposed to get through this? How do I accept this? Am I being punished? Why me and not them? Is this only the beginning? These are all questions that surfaced rather quickly highlighting the pit of my human heart. I wish I could say that I had the answers after weeks of seeking and praying. Unfortunately, God doesn’t work on my time schedule. So how do I get through it? I cling to the truth that is the very foundation of my faith. I cling to the truth that God is still good even when I cannot see an “out” in my situation. I believe that God has the capacity to heal me and to meet every financial need including the ones that have yet to appear. I embrace the promise that new life will resurrect from the abyss that I am in. Why? Because His word proclaims that there are far greater things ahead then those that lie behind (Philippians 3:13). I hold tight to the dreams that are to come because this trial has cultivated a deeper understanding of the trenches embedded within the human condition. I fasten to the certainty that I am nothing without His sufficient grace and ability to sustain me. There is nothing in this life too difficult for Him and nothing surprises Him! Your situation may be bleak, your world may lose its color, depression may have its hold and illness may overtake you but as believers we can rest assured that our Savior has the ability to meet us right where we are. His love travels deep and His sovereignty stretches wide.
Hardships develop spiritual maturity, changes our perspective and makes our stories tangible to those around us. I encourage you to refrain from adopting the view that your situation is “punishment.” Our God is just but He is not vindictive. Life’s difficulties remind us to whom we belong. They draw us in forcing us to humble ourselves, listen closely and trust in the very thing that we cannot see. These difficulties are constant recaps of what Christ endured on the cross for our sake. He wants you. He hears your plea and bottles up every single tear you shed. May you take comfort in the truth that lies in the midst of your trial. My prayer for you is that you may feel the warmth of His embrace. I pray that His peace which passes all understanding will silence every doubt and all negativity that lurks within your mind. May the depths of your heart nurture a sense of urgency as you prepare for heaven to meet you in the middle of your mess.
You are not alone. Darkness will NEVER overcome the light. As believers we stand together because we have already WON. Death no longer has its sting which means freedom from your bondage is just around the corner. Hold on my dear brothers and sisters, hope awaits.
“This too shall pass…”
-Chrissy Z.
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